Husband wife jokes

• A Pathaan to an AirHostess:
  “Vallah.. Tumhara shakal Humara BiBi Se milti!”
  Airhostess:
  “Bakwas band kar kamine!”
  Pathaan:
  “Masha ALLAH! Zubaan bhi Milti!”
• Wife : had ur lunch.?
  Husband : had ur lunch.?
  Wife : i m asking you
  Husband : i m asking you
  Wife : u copying me.?
  Husband : u copying me?
  Wife : lets go shopping
  Husband :Yes i had my lunch!
  
  
• Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
  Santa Sardar: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
  Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
  Santa Sardar: To pagal AAurat Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon
• Salman: Kapil meri shaadi kab hogi?
  Kapil: Kabhi nahin, kyunki tumhari zindagi mein sirf khushiya likhi hai
• Wife : tumhe meri khoobsurati jaada acchi lagti hai ya akkal mandi.
  Husband: mujhe to tumhari yeh majaak karne ki aadat acchi lagti hai 
• Lady in a theatre with husband’s Boss.
  (Mobile Rings)
  Lady: “Yes, OK, Fine, Luv u, Bye”
  Lady Turns 2 boss,
  Laughs & Says: Bloody cheater,
  Says he’s In Meeting With You..!!  
• Ek aadmi apni biwi ke sath ja raha tha
  Use raste mein ek dost mila, Jise hathkadi lagi hui thi aur Police ne pakda hua tha…
  Aadmi: Kya hua? :S
  Dost: Maine apni biwi ko maar diya
  Aadmi: Kitni saja hui? :O
  Dost: 2 Hafte
  Aadmi: Sirf 2 Hafte? 
  Usne suna aur Police wale ki Gun se apni Biwi ko maar diya!
  Dost: Abe yeh kya kiya, Poori baat to sunta… Mujhe 2 hafte mein fansi ho jaayegi 
  Aadmi: O, main to aiwain aiwain aiwain aiwain lut gaya!!
• Wife:
  Jaanu! Aaj tumhari girlfriend night stay karne aa rahi hai…
  Maine fridge mein Beer & Fresh Fruits salad banakar rakh diye hain…
  Room freshener side table par hai.
  Nahane ka soap with line fragrance aur towel bhi rakha hai
  Main bachcho ko lekar mummy ke yaha ja rahi hoon, kal shaam tak aaungi.
  Program me koi change ho to inform kar dena, main wahin aur din ruk jaungi~~
  Issko kehte hain…
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  “Mungeri Lal ke Haseen Sapne!!” 
• Ladies ka seminar ho raha tha…
  Topic tha: “Pati ke sath pyaar se kaise rahein!”
  Un sab se puchha gaya ki kya apne pati se pyaar karti hain?
  Sabhi ladies ne kaha… yes hum karte hain
  Next question tha, ki aapne apne husband ko “I Love You” last time kab bola tha…?
  Kisi ka jawab tha ‘aaj savere’, kisi ne bola ‘kal raat me’ aur kisi ne kuchh din pehle…
  Ab, un sabse apne apne mobile se apne pati ko ‘I Love You, Darling’ SMS bhejne ko kaha gaya, aur Sabke jawab padhne ko kaha gaya…
  Patiyo ke reply kuchh iss prakar the…
  1) Mere Bachcho ki Amma, tum pagal ho gayi ho kya??
  2) Ab kya kar diya? Car to nahin thoki na?
  3) Kya hua?? kuchh samjha nahin!!
  4) kya kiya tumne? iss baar tum nahin bachogi..!
  5) Kya chahiye? Kitne paise chahiye?
  6) Sapne mein to SMS nahin bheja na…
  7) Yeh SMS galti se to mujhe nahin bheja na?
  8) Tum keh rahi thi ki party me ja rahi ho… Jyaada pee to nahin li?
  9) ????
  10) Tum kaun??
• Biwiya apne apne patiyo se kis prakar ladti hain…
  Pilot ki Patni:
  Jyada Udo Mat, Samjhe!
  Teacher ki Patni:
  Mujhe mat sikhao, yeh aapka school nahin!!
  Dentist ki Patni:
  Daant tod ke hath me de dungi!
  Doctor ki Patni:
  Tabiyat sahi kar dungi!
  MBA ki Patni:
  Apne kaam se kaam rakho
  Engineer ki Patni:
  Jyada Current mat maaro!!
• Husband Wife chori ke topic par baat kar rahe the
  Husband: Jo shakhs chori karta hai Woh baad me zaroor pachtata hai.
  Wife said romanticaly:
  Aur tumne jo shaadi se pehle meri ninde churayi thi unke bare me kya khyaal hai ??
  Husband: keh to raha hoon jo chori karta he wo baad mein pachhtata zaroor hai!!!
• Ek jagah par gaadi ki neelami ho rahi thi
  10 Lakh
  15 Lakh!
  20 Lakh!
  Santa ne gaadi ki taraf dekha, aur socha yeh gaadi to itni tooti footi haalat mein hai… phir bhi!!
  Usse raha nahin gaya, aur Banta ke paas jaker bola
  Santa: Yeh puraani tooti footi car ki itni keemat kyun laga rahe hain yeh log, aisi kya khoobi hai iss car mein?
  Banta: Arey Paaji, maine suna hai, jo bhi iss gaadi ko khareedta hai uski Biwi ka accident ho jata hai!!
  Santa: 50 Lakh!!
• Daughter: Mom, what is marriage?
  Mom: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore!
• Wife: Kitna pyaar karte ho mujhse?
  Husband: Shahjaha ne Mumtaj ko kiya tha usse bhi jyaada!!
  Wife: Mere marne ke baad TajMahal banwaoge??
  Husband: Pagli, Maine to Plot bhi khareed liya, Der to tu kar rahi hai  
• Patni pati se : Tum khud to kuch karte nani, mujhe zehar la ke de do!!
  Pati: nahin, main tumhe zehar nahi la sakta…
  Patni: Hadd hai,  tum to aisa hi sochoge… main apne liye nahi, Chuhon ke liye manga rahi hoon.
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